Where are you Sister?


I’ve mentioned in a past post that I have an older sister I’ve never met. I have no idea if she knows about me.  She was the product of my father and his high school girlfriend not practicing safe sex. I only know her first name and have only seen one picture of her when she was a teenager.

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WHAT I KNOW:

Her Name: Natasha (I have no idea what her last name is)

Year Born: I’m going to say it was either 1972 or 1973

College Attended: BYU

Lives In: Utah (Hopefully)

Her Mother’s Name: Lorna (again no last name)

My Dad’s Name: Rodnie Hart

I believe my dad and Lorna both attended Rancho High School in Las Vegas, NV during this time.

I always knew about Natasha growing up and didn’t always think about her. I had my little sister Birdie and that was enough. There were times she did come to mind and it would fill me with so many emotions I didn’t really poke at them too much. It was the natural curiosity of a young girl wanting to know more. Was she happy? Did she have so many brothers and sisters that she wouldn’t care that I was out there sharing her blood? Was she married? Did she have kids? What did she do for a living?

Why lament and obsess over something I had no control over. I never considered there would be a possibility that I could find her. The internet was just hitting the population in mass when I was in high school. There was no website or social media outlet to help me look for her. I would think about it but then forget about it just as fast.

Well these past few months she’s been on my mind more and more. I know she’s at least ten years older than I am which puts her at about 43-44 years old. I want to know if she was ever told about me. Would she ever want to meet me? Would it be too awkward? Has too much time pasted? Is the family she has now good enough? Does she think I have more motive for wanting to meet her than because we share a father? I admit I do obsess about it now. I spin my mind in circles and scare the hell out of myself.

I can still see the picture of her in my head that my dad showed me when I was about 8-9 years old. She would have been graduating high school. She had the classic teased bangs, a beautiful smile and auburn hair. Her skin was lighter which I thought was cool because my skin is olive tone like my dad’s. She also had on a maroon sweater that might have been a turtle neck.

I’ve heard stories from my dad, about how he’s talked to her mother once or twice in years past but I’m afraid to ask anything now. I know he hasn’t talked to her, that Natasha has a man she calls father and the one we share doesn’t really mean much to her. I get that completely, you love the parents that raised you but still. In a selfish thought though WHAT ABOUT ME?

I want to know about her. Are we alike at all? Do we share any resemblance to each other? Are there characteristic we share that have nothing to do with environment? Maybe a genetic similarity? If she did ever know about me, have I been on her mind? Did she ever want to find me? Is she happy?

This post fills me with anxiety. Why am I putting all of this out there? Could it really be read and seen by enough people that it makes its way into her life? Would she think it was her? Would she even care?

I like to believe that when someone is on your mind so heavily it’s because you’re on their mind as well. So maybe she does know about me and like me doesn’t know where to start or how. Would she really know my name? Why would she? I grew up with a completely different name than I use now. The search could be harder for her. Whatever the case I hope that putting this out into the universe provides answers to the questions that plague me about the mysterious girl who is my father’s first born daughter.

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20 thoughts on “Where are you Sister?

  1. If you are meant to know her Liz, then at that point in your life, the universe will put you two together. You have such an amazing heart and soul and perhaps you needed to grow and figure yourself out before learning anything about her. I love you. I am always here. I know how daunting it is to share you thoughts and feeling to the world. I applaud you for taking the leap. Know that you have friends and family, blood and chosen that will catch you IF you fall. But also know that you can’t reach the star if you don’t jump for them first!

    -XoXo Dimples

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love you Dimples!! I took my courage from you and DK when deciding to post this. I completely agree with you, maybe this is just the universe telling me now is the time to put it out there 🙂

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  2. You made my eyes get watery!! I do hope this finds its way to her and that she has been thinking of you as well. Best wishes and all my good karma being sent your way to help.

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  3. I completely understand this feeling as I haven’t heard from my own father in more than 20 years. I have step-father named Curtis who did everything he could and is as equal as being my father as my biological one, if not more so for his effort to include & not exclude me in his life. However even this many years later the question remains: where in the bloody hell has my biological father gone?

    I attempt to content myself with simple but factual truths. I am loved by my family even if they don’t always agree with me or I them. Focus on what you have, rather than what you do not have. I can say 99/100 times it runs across my mind I usually am able to dismiss it one way or another. Again, in those times I do wonder; Is he at least doing ok? Happy? Sad? Fallen back on the times I knew he wasn’t at his best? All I know is that I wish you could see your sister even more than I could see my father. At least I’ve met mine during my life, you’ve yet to even have that chance

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  4. Liz, This was so eloquently written with true heart felt emotion and mindfulness to your thoughts. I so hope this works to get your answers and that your hearts desire is filled. By the way if she finds you, let re know from “Diane” , that she has an amazing, talented, loving sister. Love, Prayers and best of Luck.

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  5. I’ve always thought the same thing – that when someone pops into your mind or you’re thinking about them a lot it must mean you’re on their mind, too. I’ve used MyLife.com to find members of my family that were “MIA”. Maybe if you put your own profile on there, she’ll surprise you and find YOU. Good luck!

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  6. I could feel your emotion coming off the page. What a heartfelt and touching post, any sister would be lucky to have someone out there wanting to know so much about them. She’s a lucky girl 🙂

    Just a thought, does your dad have a yearbook? Or could you ask his old high school for a yearbook from back in that time (most schools keep copies). If you could get a hold of a yearbook you could go through and find all the Lorna’s. At least this way you could get some last names to narrow the search a bit 🙂

    Good luck to you! Can’t wait to see updates 🙂

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  7. This really hit home for me. I also have an older sister who I’ve never met. I don’t know her name, only that she was born in England and is likely 6-10 years older than me. I found out at 17 and it’s still weird to think about.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is weird right! I hope you can find info on your sister, I think it would be so nice for you to know each other 🙂 I wonder if she knows about the parent you share and wonders about siblings.

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  8. Social Media is always a blessing when it comes to things like this . Also there are tons of search sites out there that are legit it’s just finding a good one. Good luck sweetie! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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