Many of you might remember my rant from a May 2015 where I bitched and felt offended that people and even family were constantly questioning why I hadn’t had children at my age……33 by the way. I went on and on about how I didn’t have to follow societies or my families “rules” regarding procreation and I would either have kids at some point or I wouldn’t and that it wouldn’t have a positive or negative affect on my life. I still believe that to be true by the way, even if my circumstances have now changed.
Well the fates, gods or whoever/whatever you chose to call it must have also been reading my blog because over the 4th of July weekend I found out I was pregnant. I was more than surprised and shocked to say the least. I took two different test and after the second one looked at my husband and asked the obvious question “HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!” Of course I knew how it happen but at that moment I was truly in a stupor. We hadn’t used any form of birth control in almost 10 years and hadn’t had a scare or mishap so like I said in my rant didn’t expect to get pregnant. It took going to my first doctor appt with my delivery doctor and thyroid doctor to really believe I was having a kid. After the shock wore off I got goofy excited and have been ever since.
It might sound like I’m complaining but I’m really not. I’m just typing it out the way it has all felt. It’s bizarre for me. It’s also exciting and new but also overwhelming at times and if you’ve read anything I’ve written in the past you know I’m not one to sugar coat anything. I’ve been wanting to say something every day since I found out but due to work issues I couldn’t say anything, I was still a temp and didn’t want it to affect my chances of gaining fulltime employment. I know legally they couldn’t have not hired me because I joined the world of breeders but they could have tried to use another excuse. I read so many articles and message boards from woman stating exactly that and how some even lost their jobs. I couldn’t post on my Facebook page for fear a co-worker would see and gossip all over the building which we all know….if you can’t post it on Facebook then it can’t be real J Well as I’m posting this my fulltime status has been secured and the person I was worried would have the biggest issue didn’t even bat an eye. The goal is to tell my co-workers at the end of the day Friday and it’s been killing me all week not to say anything! I’m officially 5 months and 3 weeks so I’ve been holding this knowledge for what feels like FOREVER! My boss has known since the end of the first trimester and has been just awesome about my doctor’s appointments. I do make sure they’re all at the end of the day but she lets me come in early to put in a full shift. I know it hasn’t been easy for her either, having this knowledge and having to keep it to herself until she could ensure my fulltime was approved. I really do have an amazing boss. I feel very fortunate in that aspect. I’m also pretty jazzed to FINALLY be a full time employee for a company I really love in a job I truly enjoy.
My husband and I have turned into SAPS! We look forward to it all. The pooping, puking and not sleeping that we’ve been told to expect from day one. They forget to tell you that sleep is an issue before hand when your hips feel like they want to remove themselves from your body and that the farther along you get the harder it is to get comfortable. Although my mom says I slept my first night home and wasn’t the type of baby that was up and down all night so fingers crossed my kid takes after mommy.
My due date is March 17, 2016 which is kinda funny because that was the day my mother was due with me and I was 9 days late. So it could be that I end up sharing a birthday with my kid if the fates are still enjoying themselves at my expense. My 1st trimester was nothing but exhaustion and boobs that felt like someone had used me as a punching bag. I felt sick all day long and my sense of smell became that of basset hound. By the way that’s just gotten worse each week. I smell EVERYTHING! In that first trimester my baby decided scrambled eggs and anything related to BBQ was OFF LIMITS! The very idea had me gagging. I still can’t eat scrambled eggs but the smell of BBQ chicken makes me hungry….which is something I am 24/7 these days. Oh and I crave chocolate and pancakes. Two things prior to pregnancy I wasn’t a huge fan of for the most part. Sure I could eat dark chocolate on rare occasions but never even think to touch a pancake but now I’m all over those damn pancakes. Don’t forget the butter and syrup!!
(1st trimester glam shot, my little alien baby)
The 2nd trimester finally saw some relief. But let me tell you I still SMELL EVERYTHING! I will say the very best moments of the first trimester were #1 hearing the heartbeat for the first time and then a 6 weeks later doing the ultrasound and seeing this tiny person living inside my body like it was an everyday occurrence. For some people I know it is but for me it wasn’t and it really just brought it all together. Holy crap I’m a mom! The hubs and I totally teared up and I was so happy to get the photo frame from my sister a few days later because the first photo was inserted and now sits on my night stand. I was labeled high risk from day one strictly because I have a thyroid disease and it really bummed me out at first. But then I realized it just meant my kid would get extra care while in utero plus we get ultrasound pics like every six weeks! I’m making an album before my kid is even born!
We also found out the sex with the second set of ultrasound pics. I’m having a GIRL! I told my husband he’s screwed. She already has him wrapped around her finger. He talks to my tummy each night and gives her kisses…(see I told you SAPS!) but I will admit it’s super sweet when he starts talking and she starts moving all over the place. I like to believe she’s excited her Daddy is making such a fuss. We have her name all picked out and refer to her by name all the time now. I actually had her first name in my head for many years should I ever have a child and have that child be a girl. Her full name is Emerson Amelia Elizabeth Wiley. Emerson for one of my all-time favorite authors Ralph Waldo Emerson. Amelia because I’m a Doctor Who fan and Amelia Pond is the best companion EVER! The hubs says I get to explain that to her when she’s old enough to understand but I’m not worried. Elizabeth because that name has been passed down in my family on my mom’s side to all first born daughters so it’s only fitting my first born daughter carry on that tradition. I also think if for any reason she absolutely HATES her first name that she has two others to choose from and I won’t stop her. I have my own issues with my first name so I get it.
(2nd trimester, I think she already looks like her Daddy!)
I can already see that my husband is going to be an amazing father. He already loves her so much and is so protective over the both of us. I also think him being abandon by his biological father will make him more accessible to his own child. I can’t ever see him walking away from her. He’s going to want to be there for her for everything. To love her and console her when that first boy or girl breaks her heart and he wants to break their face. He’ll be the logical and patient parent that will sit her down and help her understand why actions have consequences, why her parents don’t seem to know anything while she knows everything. I honestly tear up just thinking about it. I swear this kid as turned me into an emotional wreck! Good thing she’s cute J
So I guess for the next three months and beyond be prepared for tons of baby talk! I’m been holding back all these months when I’ve wanted to talk of nothing else. I want to hear from other moms. I want to know the real nitty gritty and not be spared. I know it’ll be the hardest job I ever have in my life but also the most rewarding. I know I won’t be a perfect parent but then who is, am I right. My biggest goal will be creating a human being that cares for the world she lives in and the people around her. I want her to have empathy and compassion for everything and everyone but also not be walked on like a door mat. I want her to grow up knowing that love is love and that equality is one of the most important values to have as a person. Most of all I just want her to be herself because I really look forward to meeting her and watching her grow into an amazing individual.