(photo courtesy www.dirtyandthirty.com)
No matter how happy or fortunate I feel every year to have a wonderful family, a great job and a roof over my head it never fails that the week of Christmas I feel myself falling into sadness. I want to lock myself away in the safety of my home and just zone out. I cry when I think about it or when my husband tries to cheer me up. I don’t know why it happens or why it goes away so quickly after the New Year. I do know that it sucks and makes me feel weak and ungrateful.
I thought maybe this year it wouldn’t happen because I have more to be grateful for than years past. I’m now 7 months pregnant with my beautiful daughter and am anxious to meet her. I’m moving into a slightly larger and safer home to provide her with a secure home. I have a husband that has patiently put up with all the craziness that I have become with double the female hormones coursing through my body. I look forward to my mom coming home after being away for a few months visiting friends. I’m getting along with my mother in law more than I ever have in my opinion. My life is full and I need for nothing. Why does this cloud of sadness feel the need to descend?
My health is fine. I’ve not really gained weight with my pregnancy since I was bigger to begin with despite eating everything I see. My thyroid is still working optimally for me and my daughter. My vitamin levels are on point.
I was able this year to really get gifts for my family that they deserve and I could afford. I was able to buy toys for disadvantage children which made me even happier than you could possibly imagine. Life is good! Why do I feel the need to sob like my heart has been torn from my body?
Am I experiencing a “holiday” or “winter” depression? IS this something I should mention to my OBGYN on my next visit? I practice my breathing and positive thinking to make it through the day. Crying at my desk is not an option or something I would honestly like to do if I can help it. How do I keep on the smile and not withdrawal from all the people that love me?
Maybe putting it out there for everyone to see will help me remember that I’m not the only person this happens to, that it is ok and will pass.