Ramblings of a New Mom


I always heard and seen people with their children. I thought I understood what it meant to love someone that much. I see now that I didn’t understand at all. I love my husband so very much but the feelings I have for my daughter can’t be described as love. The emotion is too strong and for me different than love, I feel it in a different place. It’s all consuming and powerful in a way that defies logic. I watch her sleep, I study her face as she discovers the world around her and I feel myself swelling so much on the insides of my body that it brings me to tears.

Having her eyes light up then watching her break into a smile simply because she sees my face makes me feel so good. I know it’s real, she doesn’t know how to pretend emotion yet, what she feels is honest and pure.

She’s going to be 3 months old in a few weeks and it just seems like it’s gone by so fast yet so slow all at once. I cherish each day and want to lock them into memory forever, I want each second imprinted so I don’t forget a thing. I write her emails telling her about the week so she can get a glimpse into our lives during a time when she wasn’t aware of everything. I tell her random things about the current world but I also tell her each time how thankful I am that she exists and that she is loved completely.

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I could sit with her in my arms for hours as she sleeps just kissing her face, smelling her hair and tracing her fingers. I know I’m doing something right when she sighs with contentment and snuggles in closer. I think she’s starting to understand I’m her mommy.

When she’s up and active she can jib jab nonstop. She’s got so much to say! She coos and mimics, she wants to tell you her story. Those eyebrows help give so much expression! I hang on to every word and hope she knows I’m listening.

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I think she’s starting to look more like herself. Since she was born all I could see what was Daddy and it made me smile to see his expressions on her little face but now she’s becoming herself. Her face is changing and starting to become a blend of more than just us. I see my sister in her, my mom sees my aunt, we all see someone that she resembles in our family and I love it.

I didn’t realize that she would be the only thing on my mind and would be the only topic I would want to discuss. I sit at work during lunch or breaks and try to pay attention to the conversation around me but it’s my daughter that gets my attention. I wonder what she’s doing, I remember her funny face from the night before or I think about the picture her Gigi sent me that morning and marvel at her face.

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Will it always be this way? Is it because she’s so fresh and new to me that I want to take in every second? I don’t think so, I feel like I will always be this interested in her because watching her grow and learning to see the world from her perspective fascinates me completely. I’ve become a new version of myself because I am her mother. Do I sound insane? Have I become too obsessed? If the answer to either question is yes then I proudly accept that and hope it never changes.

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7 thoughts on “Ramblings of a New Mom

  1. Beautiful photos, Liza Jane. You are totally in the moment with your feelings. It is more than love. My granddaughter is the same with her Leona Anne, born January 13. You both have the same wonderful and moving relationship with the new arrival to earth that is and always will be a part of your Soul.
    George McLendon
    Papa’s Gift

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  2. Let’s face it, a guy will never feel that close to a kid. I can be sympathetic, but my male body will never be the airport for that new little life to condense from the energy of the Universe into.
    That’s a space only a lady has to carry and communicate and share with that new arrival. Face it mom. you’ve been filled to overflowing with a bountiful Creation process…that’s why pregnant ladies glow..their aura is double full and charging up all the time.
    She chose you as her mom. she knew how you’d feel about her. She communicates to you non verbally, just as she did when she was inside that super conductive space of yours.You don’t have to give up that connection. A mother’s body always retains a small number of cells from her child’s body inside her. Those cells will always be a tuning fork directly to her. All natural Law works by sympathetic resonance.Don’t let the world distract you from its intensity.
    Nobody has to create Love. We just take moments to allow the Love in the Universe to get into us. Obviously mom, you still feel the Love that got into both of you. It’s great to read how well you can articulate it.

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    1. Wow, your words really touched me. Thank you! It was my goal to try and express myself as well as I could. I’m glad you got it, I wasn’t sure it I could truly express what I feel being her mom. It does feel like she choose me. I was always told I wouldn’t have children due to medical issues so she was the best surprise of my life.

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      1. As it happens, I’ve spent over 40 years studying everything that seemed important to human life and its development. I grew up rural, so it took me until I went off to college to move from sports and science fiction into metaphysics and parapsycology. I discovered not everyone could see auras and energy fields like I found so natural….fast forward to thousands of books, classes, and eventually teaching the metaphysics of human development for 15 years with a London based research society in the mystery school tradition, If you ask me a question about core human experiences, I tend to get a little long winded. Currently I’m working on the final edits for my first published science fiction novel. Since I grew weary of trying to write about my experiences as non-fiction( because people who had never had such simply wanted to challenge their validity and ask me what kind of an authority I thought I was.)….I now write my experiences into the characters of my sci-fi storys. You can believe them or not…..

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  3. I would believe them, I’ve always believed in things that society doesn’t deem legitimate. I’ve always felt that I should be allowed to have my beliefs, that’s no different than those who believe in organized religion. I look forward to seeing you published.

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    1. To me, it sounds like you’re trying to describe the feel, the elation, and the joys of what some would call unconditional Love. A baby just radiates that….most of us never got to keep expressing that in the world we occupy. I ‘ll use a slang term here…not how I would usually speak. The world we live in “bitch-slaps” it out of us directly, or psychologically by implying that allowance of emotional expression this deep will be leaving us too vulnerable…..I grew up in a culture where virtually no emotion was outwardly expressed. no kisses, no hugs, nothing demonstrative. I never doubted my parents loved me, they were generous and caring, but outside expression of that was slight. I’ve come to the adding up that it was my choice, because it caused me to seek a natural reading of non-verbal communications. Part of some past life stuff in ancient Egypt, I think….Oh I used to give a very interesting 3 hour lecture on that, with practical demonstrations, but once a teacher…always…

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