How to start.
The beginning is always a good place, I suppose…..
Those first few months at home when I would startled awake just to watch you sleep or to make sure you were breathing. It made me think I would never be able to live up to the responsibility that you bestowed upon me. How was I going to be your Mom, I knew nothing about babies. To be fair, I still don’t know anything about babies but I know about you.
I wanted to touch you all the time, which let’s be fair, I still do. The fear that I would break you was so intense. Looking back now, I laugh because you’re so incredibly strong. You’re a tough little person, you can bump your head or face plant into the floor but just keep going. You’ve got no time to slow down, there’s much to explore and so little time in a day.
And here we are, you’re almost a year old…ONE YEARS OLD!!! How did that happen?!?! Not literally, but you know what I mean. How did the past year fly by so quickly?
The memory of bringing you home from the hospital is very fresh in my mind. I can still feel the anxiety of riding home with you. Of watching the cars around us just go about their business like the world hadn’t just changed, getting upset if they seemed to close. Did they not know what precious cargo I was carrying?
I wasn’t sure how your Dad and I were going to do this, how were we supposed to be your parents?!?!
Fast forward to yesterday, I was cleaning and found some of your sonogram pictures. Even at 23 weeks gestation you looked just like you. Your nose, your eyes, your lips, they’re all there. It’s all there, it blows my mind. You have my eyes and your Dad’s face but they don’t belong to us anymore, they are you.
You are and will always be my greatest gift. There is nothing on this planet that will ever compare to you in my mind. You are my exception.
Recently, you hugged me hello for the first time. You wrapped your tiny arms around my neck, squeezed, and patted my back. I’m surprised my heart didn’t explode right then and there. You created a memory for me in that moment that will forever live inside me. Thank you.
I have watched you grow every day. I can see every change and nuance that is you. I don’t know that there are words to even describe the emotions or gratitude that I feel when it comes to you.
The smiles, the eyebrows, the snorts and giggles. I marvel at all that is Emerson.
We play a game, I whisper “Mama” in your ear and you turn to me, smile and say “Dada.” Judging by the smile on your lips and the twinkle in your eyes, you’re very aware that I’m not your Dad but you enjoy our exchange. You’re learning so many news words and trying so hard to say them all but be patient little one, it’s all happening faster than you realize.
As we inch closer to the day when we will celebrate your first year on this planet I grow nostalgic. I’m sure I’ll feel this way on each birthday we celebrate. I’ll reminisce about the year through Mom-colored glasses, your Dad wax on of your adventures and your Gigi will know the truth.
This year has been one gigantic learning experience. I wouldn’t trade a single second. I’m excited about your future and what can only be described as blessed to be with you as you journey into toddlerhood and beyond.
I love you so very much my baby,