I don’t have any ideas. I have no idea what to write about that might carry any interest. How many people will actually read it anyways? Life is so busy and hectic, who has the time?
I’ve thought about writing about how I feel after being a mom for a full year. Do you want to hear about it? I talk and think about my daughter all the time. She’s my golden moment, my bliss, my exhaustion. Nobody else wants to hear about her that much, and that’s ok!
But it also leaves me in limbo. Everything at this point in time revolves around my little bird. When I wake up each morning, when I go to sleep, when I eat, when I pee (that’s right), how often I wake each night, etc. The list goes on and one and you get the point.
I carry a notebook and a pen to try and help me with ideas. I should outline. I should just write about what is natural. I should just write.
Should I share everything I write? Should I be keeping a journal instead of writing a blog?
Do I share my deepest feelings? I’m a pretty upbeat, optimistic, realistic person but there are times that dark, dangerous and upsetting thoughts make room in my head and heart. Do I write about that? I’m not one to complain and don’t want to portray myself as a victim.
Those thoughts never stick, I always find my way back to the light. I know that I’m lucky to live the life I have and that I’m blessed with semi-moderate good health.
I’ve had my share of tragedies, dramas and beyond embarrassing moments. When those times happened or happen I live through it and push on. I’m of the philosophy that shit happens. That’s life. I can either wallow or smile. I prefer to smile.
Lately, I’ve begun to realize that at 35 years old I have no friends. Well I should say no friends but no friends/family that I can share things with anymore. That’s my fault. In my 20’s I was too stupid to understand the friends I had that mattered and always chased the ones that seemed more glamorous. Now the people I love from the past have moved on with their lives and I am no longer a part of that. It hurts. That is a regret I carry now.
I should clarify this. I have friends but not people that I can invite to my home to sit and do nothing or go to the park with our kids, etc. I’ve made some amazing internet friends that I’ll never get to met in person and people in my life so busy with life in general who has the time.
I guess I’m either more boring than I realized or just too caught up in life to really be able to stop and think about anything.
I started this blog to talk about books but then I got pregnant and my entire focus shifted. I’ve currently got 4 books I’m trying to read and no desire to finish any of them. They’re all really good books too! Different genres and amazing authors but I have no interest. That sucks.
I’m currently binging on podcast during work. I listen to everything. I highly recommend S-Town to anyone and everyone. It’s about the human experience. It taught me about small towns and interesting people. I live in a tourist town. It’s not the biggest city in the world but it is a hot destination for many. It was entertaining to hear about small town scandals…real and imagined. I did get sucked into political podcast for a while but stopped cold turkey. Listening to that horseshit all the time was rotting my brain.
Anyways, I’m off now. It’s time to do whatever and begin again. Later!