I had an interesting conversation last night with a great friend. I first met this person over the summer, he invited me to guest host on his podcast. It was exactly what my anxiety needed to freak out! Why the heck would this professional want me on his show?!?! I was terrified, until the day we recorded. He made me feel so comfortable and accepted. That’s a huge deal for me. Since that time, he’s become someone I respect, admire and look forward to interacting with, when time zones and schedules allow.
Anyways, while we were talking he asked me a question that I was embarrassed to answer, “What are your goals for 2018?” That simple question had my heart pounding. I knew what I wanted but hadn’t said it out loud. I want to build a brand, I want to create content that will allow me to supplement my income, and I want to use my blog and Facebook to do that in 2018. I told him all this and you know what happened? He offered to help me succeed! What a generous gift!!
He asked me why I was afraid to admit it. I told him the truth before I chickened out. I’m afraid to succeed. What if I’m really good at the supplemental job and it takes me away from the job I have now? I love my job, I love my boss, I love the opportunities that have presented themselves because of the company that employees me.
It reminded me of that quote by Erin Hansen, “What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?” What if I fly? What if I’m so scared because this is my next chapter? It’s been my experience that the things I’m most afraid of are the things allow me to grow as a person.
Why is growing as a person something to fear?
Maybe it’s because for so many years I ran from those fears. I drank to escape them. I did whatever was needed to make sure I failed. Who was I to think I deserved more? Who am I now, sober and stronger that I still think I’m not good enough to succeed?
I don’t know all those answers yet, but with support from new friends and mentors, I plan to find out.