I wasn’t sure if I wanted to bring this up but the more I think about it the more I feel like I need to share it.
For just a little background into this story. I’ve talked before on my blog about my father and our lack of relationship. He made his choices early in my life. Meth was and is more important. Or as he likes to say, “He was born an asshole and will die and asshole.” When I was a kid and he said this it used to bring me to tears. Now, I believe it to be 100% true.
He has no ambition to be a better person, father or human being. I struggled with this for many years and for the most part I’m over it.
I have an amazing mother. She talk me how to be who I am today. I am a strong individual because I was raised by a strong woman.
Over the years I’ve just accepted my father for who he is, or so I thought. I didn’t get angry when I didn’t hear from him when my daughter was born. I called, texted, left a message, all the while in labor. I wasn’t hurt, it was expected. He ended up meeting my daughter 3 months later.
Since then he’s seen her one other time.
So, there’s that story, which leads to short interaction this past weekend.
I got a text from a random number on Friday night around 10pm saying “It has been real good of u to let me get to know my granddaughter thank you with all my heart.”
I immediately knew who sent it and I was pissed!
This from someone I haven’t heard from or seen on 8 months!
I was civil, I replied “What? All you ever have to do is call.” I wanted to say more but I refrained. I should have said what I wanted right then and there. The reply told me as much, he said “I should not have to.”
If I could have jumped through the phone and punched him in the neck, I would have! He doesn’t have to?!?! He doesn’t have to reach out to me, his daughter, in order to get to know his grandchild? Seriously?
My response short but firm and said exactly what I needed to say, well mostly. I said “Really? Don’t play this game with me. You make your own choices. You never reach out. You have no idea what’s going on in my life because it’s not convenient for you. What’s the difference now?”
I’m still waiting on the response.
I should have asked him what his granddaughter’s name was, he has never called her by her name.
I was livid all day, I allowed him to ruin my Sunday and that made me even more upset. This man! Who does he think he is!! I’ve tried in the past to build a relationship but it always felt one-sided, I was never as important as Meth. It’s that simple. He was a fair-weather father and is now nobody.
When the shooting happened and I was thinking of all the people I cared for and wondering if they were safe, he never entered my mind. That says something to me.
My child is not a toy. I made the choice before she was even born, I would not allow anyone to treat her emotions as if they meant nothing. Be it family or friend. If you want to be in her life then be there, if not then don’t be. We don’t need or want you.